if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
