remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
