we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
where are you?
Hypothermia
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
