how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
