i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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