Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
