And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
