Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
