Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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