Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
