I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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