you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
