I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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