I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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