I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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