Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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