I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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