Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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