I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
