i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
