Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You can't special order awesome
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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