if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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