My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
