Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
