Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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