i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
