so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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