i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
