im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
