so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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