"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
