Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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