saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
