I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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