i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
