Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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