you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
