Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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