its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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