You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
