Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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