i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
