you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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