Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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