at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
