let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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