listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
