Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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