Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
