can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
