you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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