Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Green mimosas i think yes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
