No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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